Fathers Day 2010....

Yup.. that time again.

That time where people pay tribute to all the fathers in the country, even those who doesn't deserve it. But, I would like to touch one one group of guys who are pretty much the underdogs of Fathers Day; the single guys who takes in kids as their own....the automatic fathers.

They are a rare breed indeed, not the biological father, but the father of the moment. Some have it easy, those who raise another mans child since birth and others catch Hell.... caught in the bitter struggle of being a stern role model while being constrained because of the mothers devotion to her child.... Then there are the ones who were just used and tossed... just needed around enough to provide some sort of stability until the child apporaches adulthood, then tossed aside like last months' Oprah Magazine. Welcome to my nightmare....

I can't even count on one hand how many Father's Days I have celebrated since I have been an automatic father; it was, "Oh well, you get you Fathers Day present on your birthday" -

then the Fathers Day and birthday present will be presented on Christmas -

then the Fathers Day, Birthday and Christmas present will fall on income tax day....

Wait..... I get what I want on that day....but nothing is ever given to me.

I can remember getting chased off of the Mars Supermarket property for helping people with their groceries for tips to buy my father a gift for Fathers Day...each time it was worth it...

....one time I added to his already extensive fishing pole collection....

.....then another time, I added to his cologne collection; a Brut 33 soap on a rope collection. I swear I got that back that following Christmas....

But one day, I shocked my father. I saved up to get my father something that I remembered he loved to do. I brought him a CB radio. He was so happy, that he spent the rest of the afternoon putting it into his car. Of course the radio didn't stay in the car long... the car broke down.

Those were the days.

Flash forward to now.... a automatic father cleaning his house on Fathers Day.

No plans...

No gifts....

Nothing.

At least I got somewhat a gift... MLB.tv is showing every baseball game the entire weekend. Finally get a chance to see an Orioles game. But until then, let me finish cleaning. Maybe I'll buy myself something for Fathers Day next year.... on Income Tax Day.

'chuss.

Through Hell and ?

Okay peeps....I have that feeling again. And I hope that this really sticks.

Here I sit...still in the bowels of hell....

After being cheated on by my "significant other" and subsequent leaving me with a gaping hole in my heart and mind, I sit in this pit of despair.... looking for someone to help me regain my focus. I believe that an Angel of Mercy have came to rescue me from the pit, but like a wayward person who just been thrown overboard, I may have tried too hard for the life preserver. This person have given me back that loving feeling I once had: that feeling where you would do just about anything up to simply bleeding out and dying for the affection of another.

For the first time in a very long time, I wasn't thinking of what my "supposed to be partner" have done to me, nor what she said to me to make me feel less than human. I was thinking of the Angels' smile, her warmth, her gentleness....

However, she too was scorned; nervous about stepping into that battlefield we call dating. She and I both managed to spend time with each other twice in one day, just to see where each other stand. However, I may have scared her away. I am truly drawn to her....but as she rises from the ashes, she wants to take it slow.... Hell, after what I been through, I am down with that too, but I know the type of guy I am.... I am exclusive.

I don't like playing the field, talk to this person, while setting up another person for the score. Never have. Never will. I like to focus on the person I want to had an relationship with, so that there is no doubt in my mind that this person is like I am: for real about how they feel. And after the crap I have been through, I am fully aware that I need to crawl as well, but I had to let her know where I stood on how I felt about her, even though I also wanted to run this at a snails pace....and I think I scared her away.

I am such an idiot. I may even go as far to say that I am desperate for affection. But I hope I didn't screw things up. She said she really likes me, and she wants to spend time with me, but she is confused and needs time to think...

I am on my knees - praying that something good comes from this. I believe that the Lord know I suffered long enough.

'chuss...